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White Collar, “Flip of the Coin” (1x4) - Neal Caffrey
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
i think i accidentally ate some of my grandma’s ashes that were on her bed
MY GRANDMA SMOKES I MEANT CIGARETTE ASHES
im such a sarcastic bitch it’s beautiful
God damn it stan lee you beautiful soul you.
New favorite film genre: Scarlett Johansson destroying people.
Love thisBut this will make the aliens think we are an advanced and peaceful race when we’re really a bunch of shitheads.
God just imagine how long it would take to do that. I get pissed when my food takes longer then five minutes to cook.
I’m literally my own best friend like I have inside jokes with myself and sometimes I’ll think something funny and start laughing out loud at how funny I am
THE CUTEST THING IS WHEN SOMEONE CAN’T STOP SMILING LIKE THEY SMILE THEN THEY TRY TO NOT SMILE THEN THEY END UP SMILING MORE AND THEIR CHEEKS GO ALL CUTE AND SAPOIDSP[DOSADPSAPSDSAPDSAP